Coping- Daily Program/Routine and in Crisis

Recently I read the Blog “Coping:  Self Care for when life challenges you.” By The Sister Rap, WordPress. I laughed thinking ya right… Cope?

It made me pause, take note, analyze and ponder this concept coping. What do I do really?

There’s 2 things when it comes to coping for me:  Daily routines are imperative. I created a program to help me get things done. I procrastinate and avoid a lot of things. I call my program Task Blocking. It is an effective way to tackle multiple things and get a lot done in a productive and focused way. It really helps me with my ADD/ADHD and Aspergers. It improves my overall sense of well being and lessons my anxiety and depression.

I have a sensory disorder with Aspergers. Sounds, movement, smells… They all can be like an assault. I startle easily sending my heart into repeated micro heart attacks. At least it feels that way. Crowds in grocery stores, malls, concerts make me feel almost shocky. Disoriented with visual impairment, sweating, nausea. I want to escape the wave of sensations that drain my energy and lower my shield. I can’t take much of it. It’s lame but so overwhelming I avoid shopping at all costs even going without food at times.

Avoidance isn’t the best solution of course. It often creates other bigger problems than missing a few meals. Late bills, missed appointments, few social events. The world grows smaller and your problems bigger.

Another silly thing I do is hyper-focus on one thing or a person. I can work for days on my art without getting housework, etc done. I can also get lost in a relationship and loose myself as my daily routine goes by the wayside in favor of more time with said friend. It’s a recipe for disaster. I’m living through it yet again. Caught up for 2 months with a Boy … Thought he was a man I wanted to spend the rest of my life with but that went South fast and suddenly I return home to my life and my routine and everything feels better. You can’t stop your routine. It’s imperative. It’s your check and balance. Your credit against a future bad day or prescription to prevent a meltdown. It IS medicine. Take it and do it like your life depends on it.

So what’s in a routine and how do I do it? It starts by doing the same things daily and scheduling them. Make your daily chores list. Make it a priority. Do it daily. Stick to it. Make it habit. Write it down at the start of your day… your list. Then at the end of your day write a list of all you did.

Do many things not just those you want to do. Mix it up. Balance it out. Health- exercise, Emotional, Etc.  Make your time count with each chore and document your progress. Set goals. Make a visual board. See where you are going with your daily routine. Micro steps adding up to bigger accomplishments. Focus on the micro and the big O will come… The big OMg I did that…

Yes you can!

Now… There’s the 2nd way I cope- in crisis. Chaos can happen and does. I sometimes avoid things too long and end up in a pit of despair with too many things I need to do and fix. I crash. I crater. I throw my blankets over my head and stay in bed. Sometimes you gotta get help. This was one of those weeks. I ended a bad relationship. Very painful. My mom had heart attack Thanksgiving day. Doing ok but tough. I have the worst chest cold. And finally my beloved dog got off her leash and bolted. Haven’t found her. It’s been 2 days. Rough week. I lost it. Reached out to a crisis line. I need help. I have depression and anxiety that are out of control. I can’t get out my door some days. It’s awful. I called and I’m getting help. Don’t be afraid to call if you need help!

Be Brave!

 

 

 

Advertisements

Aspie Time

Time is different in Aspie *dimension. Many humans value time differently and don’t follow it as rigidly as I. They are often late without reason or communication. It causes me a great deal of stress. I daresay time challenges with humans can actually become traumatic events, irrational as that is. Still very true. It’s as if a hole has been ripped through my time continuum. I can’t let it go until it’s fixed.

It starts innocently enough at least for the human.

They say, “I’ll finish at 2pm and no later so I can come home and we can go shopping.”

I prepare ahead of time any time I have an appointment and I get anxious. I expect them no later than 220 pm knowing the time it takes to travel home is no more than 15 minutes. With 5 minutes to spare I wait.

When the time comes and goes without a call or text my anxiety grows with each passing moment. A million things go through my mind but nothing stops the growing fear. Eventually I text and with no response call. It’s terribly irrational and there’s usually a great explanation but at that point my meltdown has begun. The prosody of my voice changes. I’m unable to hide my fear and frustration. I question cautiously trying in vain to rope in my impending melt down.

“Well I finished at 2pm then had to clean up. That takes time you know. Sorry.” they say.

“But you specifically said no later than 2pm.” I answer. My literalist Aspie confused.

“I assumed that meant clean up too. When you said done by 2pm I didn’t know that really meant 2:50pm. And you didn’t answer my text. So what was I supposed to think when I expected you no later than 220 pm and 250 pm I still haven’t heard from you?!”

This is usually where I fail. My literal understanding always gets me in trouble. I can see it seems silly when you read this but trust me, at the moment my world is in chaos. My dimension is off-balance. I step into the human dimension always with care and tentative steps. Making appointments is hard. It requires a lot to commit to something outside your dimension and comfort zone. I may not be able to get there. A million things can stop me.

Dimension is the best term to describe my world. *I intend to blog on this more later.

In the mean-TIME… I hope this helps you understand how important time can be to an autistic soul. I don’t have meltdowns on purpose. I can’t help my quirks and the way I see the world and need things to be. I try hard to combat my fears and overcome my daily challenges… as we all do. Thanks for listening!

Hello welcome to my world. Caution- I have Aspergers Autism. I speak frankly. My blunt discourse is not always regarded well but I am honest and never mean to offend. I see and feel things differently than most humans I encounter. I’m overly-sensitive and as a result find the world a daily trek of obstacles to avoid or minimize. Movement, sound, smells and sights are extreme to me. I startle easily at sounds and movements and please don’t touch me I might come unglued although I assure you I’ll do my best to make sure you don’t see my reaction. Much of what I feel is hidden within or controlled to the best of my abilities at the time. Given the wrong scenario when my defense shield has worn down and my senses are being bombarded I might retreat quickly. If unable to retreat I might have a meltdown. No… this is not me having a fit because I can’t get my way. This is me breaking down in front of you, loosing my ability to hide the chaos within. The world can be quite painful and at the very least, draining. When tapped, my body reacts no different than someone with a disease process like diabetes and an insulin reaction. I can’t help it. My eyes dilate and my vision blurs. I start shaking uncontrollably and the prosody of my voice changes. God it’s embarrassing. My face contorts on it’s own. I look mad and out of my mind. All I can think is get me out of here now. Fight or flight. I do have PTSD/CPTSD in addition to Aspergers and ADD/ADHD and depression/anxiety. All related in my opinion, even the PTSD/CPTSD. I’m pretty sure the ass-kicking I took from my father and subsequent partners was partly because I have Aspergers. My diagnosis came late at 47. It might have saved me and others a lot of pain had I known. It certainly explains me to a tee. My hope here is to educate, increase awareness and mainly show you what it’s like daily to exist as an Aspie. I hope you follow me in this journey. Thanks for reading. Blessings.